Post by Rubber_Duck on Jun 12, 2007 21:32:55 GMT -5
After seeing Ken's signature, and hearing so many Chuck Norris phrase-worthy quotes, I decided to start this thread dedicating it all to Chuck Norris.
Here are the top ten that I like
1. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.
2. Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by pointing at it with his finger and yelling "BANG!"
3. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and includes only a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. EVER!
4. When the boogeyman goes to bed every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
5. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
6. On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
7. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
8. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
9. In the Guinness book of world records there is a page in the back stating in small print that the records listed in the book are all held by Chuck Norris and the ones listed are merely the closest anyone has ever come to beating him.
10. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.