Post by Nashville Predators on Mar 1, 2006 22:19:44 GMT -5
Don't even bother renting it. I will incur the financial loss for all of us.
If you expect this to be funny... it isn't.
If you find random comedians saying dirty words like piss, cunt, cock, shit, puke, vomit, incest, daughter butt fucking, son ass licking, grandmother double penatration.... than I guess you can rent it. The punchline... I don't get it. Is there a play of words?
"The Aristocrats"... does it mean something? Or is simply a bad joke.... I didn't laugh once for the entire movie...
My rating:
0 out of 10
Here's a variation of the joke:
-----------------------------------------
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
"We'll need two minutes to prepare" says the father. "Where can we change?"
The agent motions impatiently. "You can use my private washroom, through that door over there. Look, you've got to make it quick -- I've got golf with Gary Busey at 2:30."
One minute and ten seconds later, the family emerges from the washroom dressed up in Swiss Milkmaid outfits, except the mother, who is wearing a leather nun's outfit, and the dog, who is wearing a mini scuba suit with the ass cut out.
The daughter pulls a CD out of her pocket and pops it into the agent's stereo system. She cranks the volume to 10, and the agent is startled by the opening prelude to a very familiar song, one which he can't quite place.
Dropping a large duffel bag behind them, the father motions to his family. They line up in a row before the agent, and take a solemn bow. The agent, bored, looks at his watch.
The family begins dancing around in a gay little circle, clasping hands, and singing along with the music:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Then it begins. Suddenly, the father breaks ranks and opens the duffel bag. He grabs a large maggot-infested dead weasel and shoves it up his own puckered ass, while his daughter grabs a rabid live hedgehog and rams it headfirst deep into the mother's vagina while simultaneously sucking off her father's dead weasel. The father, finishing a melodic solo verse, begins violently fisting his wife's ass while wearing a boxing glove with the word 'HATE' written across the knuckles.
With maggots and weasel pus all over her face, the 16-year old daughter forces herself not to vomit as she quickly positions herself on her hands and knees dead center on the agent's desk while her father shoves his scabby, drooling penis directly into her waiting mouth. With her winking asshole two feet in front of, and directly facing, the agent, she loses control of her bowels, and projectile diarrheas in his face as she simultaneously projectile vomits on her father's ancient penis.
They sing:
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Meanwhile, the mother, who is being pleasured by a panicky hedgehog, uses a rusting straight razor to peel off her own scalp. She then gets up, still singing beautifully, and places her mane of long blonde hair on her balding husband, which completes his Swiss Milkmaid look and causes him to yodel with joy as he urgently shits the weasel out of his ass and begins rubbing the ensuing mountain of fecal matter all over his daughter's face as she pours live red ants out of a pickle jar all over herself and masturbates on the agent's desk using the agent's coveted Academy Award. The father, still receiving porn-star quality deep-throating from his dexterous daughter, winks at the agent. "It gets better" he says, as they launch into another verse:
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
The agent, stunned, looks over to see the six-year old son downing about thirty or forty Viagra, which gives him such an unnaturally huge erection that his pre-pubescent penis actually rips through his penile skin, shredding it totally and leaving him with a 13-inch long massively bleeding steel-hard fuckstick which he quickly puts to good use on his mother's dripping colostomy hole.
As the classic song nears its crescendo, the daughter uses one hand to cheese grater the dogs waiting ass rapidly while the dog rapes the hedgehog stuck fast in the mother's vagina.
They're coming to the climax:
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feeeeeeel sooooooo baaaaaad!!
Singing along with the final lines, the family orgasms simultaneously:
The father in his daughter's mouth
The mother vibrated to orgasm by a diseased hedgehog
The pre-pubescent son fucking his mom's colostomy hole
The daughter masturbating herself with an Oscar
The dog and the hedgehog come together
Gathering themselves together, the family lines up gaspingly in a row before the stunned agent, and as one, they take a sweaty bow.
Silence.
And then....
The door bursts open, and Bill Cosby bursts in, shouting, "Mister Silverstein, don't hire these fuckers! They stole my act!!" and whips out his scabby oozing penis, a cheese grater, a dog in a scuba suit, and a CD of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' as proof. Everyone in the room stands dead still and stares at him in confusion, as the lingering odor of various bodily fluids settles slowly. Finally, the agent breaks the uncomfortable silence.
"'Thriller'? You *MUST* be fucking kidding."
As his last chance for a comeback disappears, Cosby's shoulders slump, and he begins to sob quietly, mumbling about some dead kid. He turns and sulks out.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
------------
If you expect this to be funny... it isn't.
If you find random comedians saying dirty words like piss, cunt, cock, shit, puke, vomit, incest, daughter butt fucking, son ass licking, grandmother double penatration.... than I guess you can rent it. The punchline... I don't get it. Is there a play of words?
"The Aristocrats"... does it mean something? Or is simply a bad joke.... I didn't laugh once for the entire movie...
My rating:
0 out of 10
Here's a variation of the joke:
-----------------------------------------
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
"We'll need two minutes to prepare" says the father. "Where can we change?"
The agent motions impatiently. "You can use my private washroom, through that door over there. Look, you've got to make it quick -- I've got golf with Gary Busey at 2:30."
One minute and ten seconds later, the family emerges from the washroom dressed up in Swiss Milkmaid outfits, except the mother, who is wearing a leather nun's outfit, and the dog, who is wearing a mini scuba suit with the ass cut out.
The daughter pulls a CD out of her pocket and pops it into the agent's stereo system. She cranks the volume to 10, and the agent is startled by the opening prelude to a very familiar song, one which he can't quite place.
Dropping a large duffel bag behind them, the father motions to his family. They line up in a row before the agent, and take a solemn bow. The agent, bored, looks at his watch.
The family begins dancing around in a gay little circle, clasping hands, and singing along with the music:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Then it begins. Suddenly, the father breaks ranks and opens the duffel bag. He grabs a large maggot-infested dead weasel and shoves it up his own puckered ass, while his daughter grabs a rabid live hedgehog and rams it headfirst deep into the mother's vagina while simultaneously sucking off her father's dead weasel. The father, finishing a melodic solo verse, begins violently fisting his wife's ass while wearing a boxing glove with the word 'HATE' written across the knuckles.
With maggots and weasel pus all over her face, the 16-year old daughter forces herself not to vomit as she quickly positions herself on her hands and knees dead center on the agent's desk while her father shoves his scabby, drooling penis directly into her waiting mouth. With her winking asshole two feet in front of, and directly facing, the agent, she loses control of her bowels, and projectile diarrheas in his face as she simultaneously projectile vomits on her father's ancient penis.
They sing:
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Meanwhile, the mother, who is being pleasured by a panicky hedgehog, uses a rusting straight razor to peel off her own scalp. She then gets up, still singing beautifully, and places her mane of long blonde hair on her balding husband, which completes his Swiss Milkmaid look and causes him to yodel with joy as he urgently shits the weasel out of his ass and begins rubbing the ensuing mountain of fecal matter all over his daughter's face as she pours live red ants out of a pickle jar all over herself and masturbates on the agent's desk using the agent's coveted Academy Award. The father, still receiving porn-star quality deep-throating from his dexterous daughter, winks at the agent. "It gets better" he says, as they launch into another verse:
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
The agent, stunned, looks over to see the six-year old son downing about thirty or forty Viagra, which gives him such an unnaturally huge erection that his pre-pubescent penis actually rips through his penile skin, shredding it totally and leaving him with a 13-inch long massively bleeding steel-hard fuckstick which he quickly puts to good use on his mother's dripping colostomy hole.
As the classic song nears its crescendo, the daughter uses one hand to cheese grater the dogs waiting ass rapidly while the dog rapes the hedgehog stuck fast in the mother's vagina.
They're coming to the climax:
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feeeeeeel sooooooo baaaaaad!!
Singing along with the final lines, the family orgasms simultaneously:
The father in his daughter's mouth
The mother vibrated to orgasm by a diseased hedgehog
The pre-pubescent son fucking his mom's colostomy hole
The daughter masturbating herself with an Oscar
The dog and the hedgehog come together
Gathering themselves together, the family lines up gaspingly in a row before the stunned agent, and as one, they take a sweaty bow.
Silence.
And then....
The door bursts open, and Bill Cosby bursts in, shouting, "Mister Silverstein, don't hire these fuckers! They stole my act!!" and whips out his scabby oozing penis, a cheese grater, a dog in a scuba suit, and a CD of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' as proof. Everyone in the room stands dead still and stares at him in confusion, as the lingering odor of various bodily fluids settles slowly. Finally, the agent breaks the uncomfortable silence.
"'Thriller'? You *MUST* be fucking kidding."
As his last chance for a comeback disappears, Cosby's shoulders slump, and he begins to sob quietly, mumbling about some dead kid. He turns and sulks out.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
------------